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February 14, 2013 – Monologue Jokes
1. A Carnival cruise ship carrying more than 4,000 people has been stranded in the Gulf of Mexico for over five days. The ship, which has been described as a “petri dish” due to sewage floating in the...
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Monologue Jokes – April 9, 2013
1. Last night Louisville beat Michigan to the win the men’s NCAA basketball tournament and officially put an end to March Madness. Well America, I guess we will have to come up with a new excuse for...
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Monologue Jokes – April 15, 2013
1. Today is April 15th, the last day to file your taxes. Or, as Wesley Snipes refers to it, Monday. 2. Over the weekend, singer Justin Bieber visited the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam and signed the...
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Monologue Jokes – May 7, 2013
1. During an interview with Piers Morgan, troubled actress Lindsay Lohan said she’s only used cocaine “maybe four or five times in my life.” Well, it’s official, Lindsay Lohan can’t count. 2. During an...
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October 15, 2013 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, British police arrested a man accused of trying to get into London’s Buckingham Palace illegally. Authorities say it is the saddest coup attempted thus far by Prince Charles. 2....
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February 28, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. A man in South Carolina was arrested after trying to pay for his lunch with a counterfeit trillion dollar bill. And, if you’re wondering, the image on a real trillion dollar bill is Benjamin...
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August 18, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new study, dentists cannot agree as to the most effective way to brush one’s teeth. Four out of five dentists believe a constant, counter-clockwise motion is the best, while the fifth...
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February 23, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. During the Oscar telecast, in a nod to the nominated film “Birdman,” host Neil Patrick Harris appeared on stage in nothing but his underwear. Or, as Kim Kardashian referred to it, overdressed. 2. JK...
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May 26, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. A Seattle couple left nearly $850,000 to the U.S. government in their will. “That’s actually from the three of us,” said Wesley Snipes. 2. Over the weekend, actresses Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen...
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July 21, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, gold prices plunged more than 4 percent to a new five-year low. As a result, King Midas has gone back to stripping. 2. Last week, Intuit, the makers of TurboTax, told users they have...
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October 5, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Donald Trump supporters say the Republican presidential candidate declaring almost a billion dollar loss allowing him to not pay taxes for years makes him “a genius.” “So I guess I’ll just be over...
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