1. Last night Louisville beat Michigan to the win the men’s NCAA basketball tournament and officially put an end to March Madness. Well America, I guess we will have to come up with a new excuse for our lack of productivity at work now.
2. After a very trying season, the Louisville Cardinals won the men’s NCAA basketball championship last night. When asked about it, head coach Rick Pitino said, “I wouldn’t change any of those difficult times because they brought us together as a team and led us here.” “Really? Not even one?” said sophomore Kevin Ware.
3. Actress Annette Funicello, best known for the “Beach Party” movie series in which she co-starred with Frankie Avalon, died yesterday. Of Avalon, the former Mousekeeter said, “See you real soon.”
4. Yesterday, country singer Brad Paisley and rapper LL Cool J released a controversial song entitled “Accidental Racist” about race relations in this country. Although, if you think that’s bad, you should know the original title to the song was “Don’t Call It A Wetback.”
5. Yesterday, country singer Brad Paisley and rapper LL Cool J released a controversial song entitled “Accidental Racist” about race relations in this country. Which is still much better than Hank Williams Jr.’s song “Yeah, I Meant To Call You That.”
6. Former porn star Jenna Jameson was charged with battery over the weekend after police said she assaulted someone. Wow, breaking news, former porn star continues to make bad decisions.
7. The FDA has okay-ed the first drug to treat morning sickness in more than fifty years. That’s funny, I thought we had a pill that did that already, it’s called “the morning after” pill.
8. New York police say a man dressed as Cookie Monster allegedly shoved a 2-year-old after the child’s parents refused the man’s demand for $2 in exchange for posing for a picture with the child. Well at least it wasn’t a meth-fueled sex party, right Elmo?
9. Actor Wesley Snipes has been released from a federal prison where he was serving a three-year sentence after being convicted on tax charges in February 2010. But maybe don’t give his cell away so quickly considering April 15th is less than a week away.
10. Yesterday, former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, known as the Iron Lady, died at the age of 87. She is survived by her two children, Carol and Mark, and her loving husband Tony Stark.
